Hardships - a motivation as to why

Why a blog?
Thoughts about being too public, that others will disapprove. A vulnerability in that, but not in the publicy itself.
But, have I ever felt hurt or afraid from being too public about myself? Isn't it rather that I feel more vulnerable when I keep it inside and am alone with what I feel, and don't share it?
And in order for this to at all reach others I have to be open about what happens, since the journey is the goal in itself.

* * *

This project was born out of wanting to explore what happens when I let others control me artistically in the initial process. We are all ruled over, every day, to a certain bigger or smaller extent. But the artistic field has been something sacred to me, a haven in which I've had control and felt honest and close to my true self.
Now I feel that I've reached a point at which I am stuck, creatively. At the same time I recognize it as maybe being a turning point, some things will have to change.
I have the energy, will and motivation for creative work but I lack the neccessary focus..

The first practical phase of the project takes place at the Art Academy at which I am currently a student. A collection box has been put up to collect anonymous tips and ideas as to what I will creatively work with during the fall semester and possibly also spring. I will take it down in a weeks time and draw one note for each and every one of the three parameters - theme, time (for the project) and technique.

* * *

The process has already begun with these thoughts and now publishing them. The first day, when I installed the collection box in Sky Bar I felt an enormous joy and pride, bordering on megalomania. The following day it hit me that perhaps no one would want to participate, and my joy sunk to a conviction of the opposite, and shame over having started such a badly thought through and unworthy project..
Today I feel confidence and assurance again. And that already has this strech of time, working on the project taught me a lot.
Excitment, too, about what is yet to come.

I promise to be as sincere as I possibly can, and to do my very best.